I squeezed my way out the car and walked through the doors and took a seat behind the familiar booth but, today it somehow felt empty. I looked around at all that was going on. I always thought the Sunset Diner was an adorable place, a little too perfect and in a way it was the first safe place I had been in a while. It was simple and quaint and there was nothing to it besides what it was.
It reminded me of the places I would often walk past in college and look at the people inside like they were missing something ---like I was above them because they were missing what, I had-- Caine.
I looked through the menu out of habit when I saw Sawyer walk up to me and take a sit across from me.
“How are you ?” he asked setting down a glass of water with lemon and lime down for me.
“We’re doing okay,” I laughed putting a hand on my ever expanding stomach.
"How many months are you, again ?" he asked
"23 weeks," I told him as I squeezed the lemon and lime into my water
"Can I get you anything else ?" he asked
I just shook my head and brushed a fly-away strand out of my face.
Sawyer had been to kind to us since we were kicked out of the commune. He talked to his former landlord into giving us his old house at a great price, we were always invited to the diner for a complimentary meal. He had been great but, it was strange that Sawyer would ever invite me to Sunset Diner, and even stranger that he asked me to come alone. I had left early from the house leaving a note for the guys about where I was.
I was sure Sawyer knew about our relationship to each other. It was something we had with a lot of the people on the commune but, it was never discussed and I never came in contact with any of the people who I was related to. Caine said being related to him was a great gift but, he knew he couldn’t have the time to give his children the love they needed so he gave them to other people.
I closed my eyes just thinking about the lies (if that is in fact what they were). What if we were all just his mistakes ? I had a wonderful life on the commune and even now I felt so thankful to Caine for it but, now I’m not sure what I was supposed to think
“I know you can’t be out to long,” Sawyer said
“It’s okay,” I smiled at him. His face got serious and he looked just like Caine and for some reason I took comfort in that.
“I’m still in contact with my old job at the Hendrix Group and they are working on your legal matters,--“
“Yes, I know,” I told him sipping the cirtusy water. It seemed to be the only thing that didn’t repel me lately.
“Okay, the thing is technically you and Sam aren’t married –“
“What do you mean ? ”
“—and neither are you and Greg. I mean not even Caine’s own marriage is legal. “
“Why are you telling me this ?” I
asked. I tried to smile through it but, for some reason I was taking offense to him showing even more things in my life were falsities.
“Because I’m giving you a chance to choose. There are a lot of benefits to being married as I’m sure you know. I mean you don’t have to tell Greg or Sam I’ll leave that to you but, for your benefit and the baby’s you should pick one to be legally married to,”
I sat in silence and stared into my water
“You okay ?”
“No,” I told him “How I am supposed to choose ? They both love me and are so kind to me.”
***
“Cece, please you know I have loved you for a long time what we have is real. United Light is over and so is this other relationship,” Greg said
“She is having my child,” Sam argued
I couldn’t believe the argument that had flared up between Sam and Greg. I had never seen any of them act this-- so possessive over me.
“You left us and never told us where
you were,” Sam reminded him," That brought Lia and I closer together."
“I was trying to save her and I did,” Greg responded, “You married a married woman. It killed me to see you laying with my wife but, I went through it for Caine but, now I can't help but to be angry,”
“Lia and I have a family together. It’s in the child’s benefit don’t be angry because you couldn’t have any,” Sam told him
"You are an artist, I have more skills that can help me provide for the child," Greg pointed out.
The arguing continued as they each took cheap jabs at each other.
I walked to the corner of my room and grabbing my jacket and violin case I walked outside and sat in the front yard .I wondered which one was going to come out after me ?
I played a few chords in sharp F’s
and then a few notes of a song I had been putting together in my head.
“Do you like that ?” I smiled talking close to my stomach.
After a while I was almost afraid neither one was coming for me when the door opened and Sam walked out followed by Greg who took my shoulders.
“I’m leaving,” Sam said.
“Sam—your child,” I reminded him
standing up.
“I know,” he said,” And I want to be in my child’s life but, that doesn’t mean I have to be in Greg and yours. You guys have a solid relationship and I just -- I can’t deal with this. I don't think I should be living here.”
“Where are you going, ?” I asked
“I want to go to New York and make it as an artist,” he smiled , “ But, for now I’m going to stay with Rosa for the night.”
“You guys let’s not---“
“This was coming, Lia” Sam said, ”We can’t live like this. I can’t live like this,”
He took me into a hug and kissed my
cheek and then gave Greg a meaningful stare and headed for his car. I turned to
go back in when I was caught in Greg’s
arms. He was always there to catch me.
He led me to the couch where I laid down with him and let my body conform into his.
“I wish I was a planarian,” I said playing a few low chords.
“What ?” he laughed
“When you cut them up they grow into all new worms. If you cut them into 8 pieces you will eventually have 8 worms. “ I explained “I wish I could split my heart in half and grow a new one that I could share with you and Sam. I wish humans regenerated”
"We do regenerate," Greg said, "That's why when you get a cut it heals. It just takes us more time,"
"Of course," I agreed.
“That’s childish,” Greg said softly.
I wondered if
Caine, my father knew the destruction he had caused. I wondered if everyone was having the same troubles picking up their lives as we had.
